How All of the Surviving ‘Game of Thrones’ Heroes Got Here

It’s hard to believe it’s been more than eight years, but that’s how long it’s been since HBO premiered Game of Thrones on April 17, 2011. In the near-decade since the show launched—it was during President Obama’s first term—a lot has happened in the world of Westeros. Yet if we put on our Three-Eyed Raven goggles, it’s possible we might be able to see where all of this is going by returning to that very first episode.

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“Winter Is Coming” begins by setting the stage for the Army of the Dead, which was marching down from the north to end all life in the Seven Kingdoms. The White Walkers are no longer a threat—Arya squashed that when she stabbed the Night King earlier this season—but a lot of what unfolded in that premiere is still very relevant. In anticipation [...]  read more

How to Watch the ‘Game of Thrones’ Finale Online

Welp, winter is… over? The army of the dead is vanquished, as are the Lannisters and lots of innocent people. All that’s left to wrap up this decade-long journey into Westeros is figuring out just how mad Daenerys Targaryan is, and maybe even bothering to figure out why. after a terrible showing against the army of the dead. As the final episode of the final season looms, it’s worth a quick refresher on how and when to watch Game of Thrones live, no matter what coast you’re on. This is the one you don’t want to miss.

Game of Thrones airs Sunday nights on HBO, at 9 pm in each respective time zone. Simple enough! But that also means New Yorkers get to watch it three hours earlier than Californians, a deep injustice. That’s plenty of time for spoilers to slip past your defenses like Arya sneaking into the Twins. Or like a baby shadow monster? (Simpler times. RIP Renly.) No matter what metaphor you pick, it’s bad.

But like a dragonglass dagger to the [...]  read more

Ted Cruz’s Space Pirates Comments Top This Week’s Internet News Roundup

You know it’s been a rough week when Britney Spears apparently withdraws from performing, Grumpy Cat dies, and a sparkly vampire turns into a bat—and those aren’t even the worst stories out there. Elsewhere, the Mueller investigation is still in the news and investigators have finally determined the cause of California’s deadly Camp Fire. (Short version: It was electrical transmission lines.) Oh, and the Trump administration is trying to undo birthright citizenship for the adopted children of LGBTQ couples. Already feel like you’ve missed a lot? While You Were Offline is here to help.

Generation Offred

What Happened: For anyone who cares about whether or not those with wombs have any level of control over their own bodies, last week was a rough one thanks to legislation in several states.

What Really Happened: There’s no way to sugarcoat this: The war over abortion has intensified beyond what most would have expected in the past couple [...]  read more

A ‘Game of Thrones’-Themed Menu for Your Sunday Viewing Party

Indulgence is at the core of Game of Thrones. Snakes crackle over an open flame as the Sand Snakes plot their revenge in Dorne. Oysters glisten in baskets as Arya runs through the streets of Braavos to evade her assassin. Blood-red wine shivers in goblets and pine nuts leap off roasted beets as Cersei pounds her fists in the Red Keep. Meat pies steam on pewter dishes as soldiers sit at the Inn at the Crossroads for one last hot meal before their deaths.

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Like sex, food in George R.R. Martin’s universe is a way to laugh at the Many-Faced God. Yes, winter is always coming, but there is cheese to eat, and oranges, and fish stew to sop up with crusty bread. (If you’re a dragon, there are sheep to fry.) When food is scarce or unappetizing in this world, you know the stakes could not be higher—at the Red Wedding, [...]  read more

The Satanic Temple Is No Laughing Matter

Because The Satanic Temple doesn’t believe in a literal Satan, or in anything supernatural, it’s often presented in the media as a joke religion like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or the Church of the SubGenius. But Penny Lane, director of the new documentary Hail Satan?, says that’s a total misconception.

“The Satanic Temple would very much like for people to, perhaps, learn to judge other people based on their actions, not based on what they look like, or what you might have heard about them on daytime television,” Lane says in Episode 361 of the Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy podcast.

The group is best known for their activism on the issue of separation of church and state. One scene in the film shows the Temple’s spokesperson, Lucien Greaves, strapping on a bulletproof vest before appearing beside the group’s controversial statue of Baphomet. Lane says that sort of risk-taking demonstrates real devotion.

“It’s not an either/or proposition,” she says. “Yes, [...]  read more

Like *Game of Thrones* Languages? Here’s How to Make Your Own

Dothraki. High Valyrian. Those languages on Game of Thrones sound so, so cool. If you’re ambitious, you can learn to speak them on your own—and some fans have—but if you really, really want to go for the gold, you create your own tongue.

Yes, you read that correctly. Latin may be dead, but that doesn’t mean the Lord of Light doesn’t want you to bring a language all your own to life. But how do you do it? We’re here to help.

WIRED asked David J. Peterson, the man behind the languages on Game of Thrones just how he does it. In the video above, he explains how to create new tongues, from mapping consonants to tongue placement to how to build all of your nouns and verbs. Have fun, and gundertark! (That’s our new word for “get going”—it’s a work-in-progress.)

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social experiment by Livio Acerbo #greengroundit #wired https://www.wired.com/story/game-of-thrones-language-lesson

In Alabama, ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Is a Haunting Metaphor

The year is 2019. It is a time of chasmic divides. Republican rule has taken hold in America. The land aches from unrest. In the Deep South, once a province of notorious racial and social subjugation, history again flirts with twisted judgement. On Tuesday, 25 state senators—all of whom were white men, and who, like clowns at the circus, bear names like Del Marsh, Shay Shelnutt, and James “Jabo” Waggoner with mischievous, cowardly grins—voted to all but ban abortion in Alabama. Their bill makes no exceptions for rape or incest, and it punishes doctors who perform the procedure with life in prison. Governor Kay Ivey signed it into law the very next day, and effectively transformed the Heart of Dixie into a Republican theocracy.

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p class=”paywall”>Protesters flooded the streets outside the Alabama State House in Montgomery as news of the bill began to spread. [...]  read more

‘Game of Thrones’: Who’s Died So Far in Season 8

As Game of Thrones approaches the series finale, airing Sunday, May 19, at 9pm EST on HBO, we’ve taken stock of all the major deaths so far in Season 8. For some, it hasn’t been enough, for others, there’s dissatisfaction with how certain characters met their end. But if past is prologue, more death will come, possibly for some of the most beloved characters.

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Ned Umber: The littlest lord ended up being the first casualty in Season 8. When the White Walker Army breached Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, Sansa Stark ordered Ned Umber home to Last Hearth, the castle closest to the area, to bring his men back to Winterfell. The next time viewers see Ned, he’s tacked to a wall at Last Hearth, surrounded by severed limbs arranged in a strange pattern typical of the Night King.

Melisandre: [...]  read more

You Can Now Play ‘Fortnite’ as John Wick

Greetings and welcome to a new edition of Replay, WIRED’s videogame news roundup. What’s happening this week? For one, John Wick is now a playable character in Fortnite, so that’s pretty cool. Also, in the world of esports, Riot Games is backing former NBA star Rick Fox in his dispute with the organization he founded. Let’s get started.

Hey, You Got John Wick in My Fortnite! Well You Got Fortnite in My John Wick!

Oh, this tastes pretty good.

Listen, I’m going to take a brief moment here, before I introduce the story, to talk about how much I love John Wick. Keanu Reeves is awesome; and long-haired, bearded Keanu breaking stuff is possibly my favorite genre of film. The world is a messy, chaotic place. Keanu Reeves is peace, and he’s relief, and oh God he’s got a gun.

Anyway, yes, John Wick‘s brand of anti-villainous shootouts is making its way to Fortnite, launching alongside the third Wick film, Parabellum, which opens this weekend. The mode, called “Wick’s [...]  read more

Grumpy Cat’s Death Marks the End of the Joyful Internet

In 2012, America was halfway through President Obama’s time in office. The first Avengers movie came out, and Hunger Games premiered. Hope was high, and Reddit—the web’s “front page”—was where anyone with a cute pet could get thousands of upvotes. Cats were the most popular, but occasionally a dog or two would slip in. Then, in September of that year, Bryan Bundesen posted a picture of his sister Tabatha’s cat, Tardar Sauce, an 11-month old tabby with feline dwarfism that perpetually looked annoyed. The internet was enraptured with Grumpy Cat.

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